GET INVOLVED
Your Body Can
Change the World.
You have been producing clean energy your entire life and giving it away for free. That ends today. Sign up as a FLATUTEC contributor, receive your MY2T™ unit, and start converting your daily biological output into real energy credits applied directly to your utility bill.
CONTRIBUTOR TIERS
Choose Your Level of Commitment
All contributors make a difference. Some make significantly more of one.
BRONZE
Casual Contributor
Free / month
- ✓ MY2T™ Mark V device (loaned)
- ✓ Standard energy credit rate
- ✓ MY2T™ App
- ✓ Monthly yield digest email
- ✗ Dietary optimisation guide
- ✗ Community leaderboard access
- ✗ Priority harvest windows
- ✗ MY2T™ Certificate
MOST POPULAR
SILVER
Power Producer
$6.99 / month
- ✓ MY2T™ Mark V device (owned)
- ✓ 1.5× energy credit rate
- ✓ MY2T™ App (premium)
- ✓ Real-time yield dashboard
- ✓ "Yield Bible" dietary guide (94pp)
- ✓ Community leaderboard access
- ✓ Priority harvest windows (breakfast, lunch, dinner)
- ✗ MY2T™ Certificate
ELITE EMITTER
Maximum Yield Programme
$17.99 / month
- ✓ MY2T™ Mark V Pro (owned, priority spec)
- ✓ 2× energy credit rate + surplus cash-out
- ✓ MY2T™ AI MY2T™ Coach AI dietary service
- ✓ Weekly yield consultation call
- ✓ Priority harvest windows (all-day)
- ✓ Community leaderboard — Elite tier
- ✓ MY2T™ Certificate
- ✓ Commemorative "Silent Producer" badge & lanyard
REGISTRATION
Sign Up as a Contributor
Complete the form below. Your MY2T™ unit will be dispatched within 3–5 working days in discreet, unmarked packaging. The packaging is really very discreet. Nobody will know.
...this is just a parody website.
So I genuinely hope you don't expect any of that to be real.
No MY2T™ unit is being dispatched. No contributor ID exists. Dr. Reinhart is not going to email you dietary recommendations. There is no grid. There are no apartment blocks in Łomianki. Cousin Marek does not have a ceramics studio in Wrocław.
But thanks for playing along. Sincerely. You filled out a form about voluntarily submitting your intestinal gas to a Polish startup and that is a level of commitment this website deeply respects.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
We Get Asked a Lot of Things
Below are the questions we receive most often. We have answered them all completely seriously.
Is this real? ▼
FLATUTEC is a real company with real technology, real contributors, and real energy infrastructure across 18 nations. The technology is not theoretical. The results are not fabricated. The only thing unreal about FLATUTEC is that nobody thought of it sooner.
Does wearing the MY2T™ unit feel weird? ▼
Most contributors report that after 3–4 days, they forget they are wearing it entirely. A small number of contributors report that forgetting about it is the problem. We have updated the MY2T™ App notification settings accordingly.
Can people tell I'm wearing it? ▼
No. The MY2T™ Mark V is worn beneath clothing and produces no visible bulge, sound, or odour. In independent testing across 14 workplaces, 0 out of 400 colleagues detected the device. Two colleagues did comment that their coworker seemed "unusually smug lately," but this was attributed to the contributor leaderboard, not the hardware.
What if I don't produce very much? ▼
All contributions are valued and every eligible molecule counts. That said, we strongly recommend our "Yield Bible" dietary guide (available to Silver and Elite members), which outlines a 7-day high-fibre meal plan developed by Dr. Reinhart that has been shown to increase average daily output by up to 300%. Results will vary. Social outcomes may also vary. Plan accordingly.
What if I produce too much? ▼
All contributors receive yield reports denominated in euros. Elite Emitters on our surplus cash-out programme are currently averaging an additional €8–€25 per month in direct payments via bank transfer. Our highest-yielding contributor, known only as "Subject 7," was offered a complimentary Elite Emitter upgrade. They declined. They posted on our Facebook page instead. We respect their choices. We monitor their output data with great admiration.
Is my data private? ▼
Absolutely. All contributor data is anonymised at source using zero-knowledge cryptography. FLATUTEC knows volumes, yields, and composition data — it does not know who you are. Your gas is completely untraceable. This is, we acknowledge, a sentence that has never been written before.
What happens during the night when I'm asleep? ▼
The MY2T™ operates 24/7 in passive collection mode. Several contributors have reported that their best yields occur between 2am and 5am, particularly following high-fibre evening meals. The MY2T™ App includes a "Night Mode" that silences harvest notifications. We strongly recommend enabling it.
Can I contribute on behalf of my whole family? ▼
Each person must register individually and provide their own informed consent. We do offer a Family Bundle: four MY2T™ units with a shared energy credit pool and a 10% yield bonus for households of four or more. We do not recommend announcing the Family Bundle at Christmas dinner. Or actually, perhaps do. It went well for Dr. Toots.
My doctor has concerns. ▼
That is a statement, not a question. We understand. The FLATUTEC Medical Advisory Board (chaired by Dr. Sandra Reinhart) is available to answer clinical queries at medicalboard@flatutec.com. We have found that most physician concerns resolve themselves upon reviewing the peer-reviewed efficacy and safety data, though we acknowledge "peer-reviewed biogenic capture studies" is a phrase that takes some getting used to.
What is Project STRATOSPHERE? ▼
We are not able to discuss Project STRATOSPHERE at this time. We would ask that you do not email the UN about it as they have already been briefed and have asked for space to process. What we can say is that it is ambitious, the orbital mechanics are sound, and no contributor action is required. Your contribution remains entirely terrestrial.